Counting Down
by Captain Harkness 4 eva
Summary: Jack, Gwen and Ianto's thoughts during Children of Earth! Starting at the beging of Day One!


Jack

I bolt upright, rasping for breathe as my eyes accustom to the darkness, my head spins and I fall back on the bed shaken. Ugh, another sleepless night filled with tormenting dreams. Every hour I didn't spend lost in some nightmarish distant past of future I spent listening to the aching silence with the slow ticking of the grandfather clock in my office. I try to take deep breathes and focus my mind but the air is unpleasantly sticky in my bunker as sweat perpetrates across my forehead and under my arms. Nasty images fade away and I stare up into the darkness of the bunker as I pay attention to my own breathe slowing down to a resting rate. I toss the sheet wet with sweat to the side and swing my legs off the cabin bunker. I'm sitting up now with my legs hanging off the end of the bed. My hands clutch my head as I try to shake the last haunting images from my mind. Head cleared I place my feet tentatively on the cold metal floor and stretch my legs till I'm standing on them solidly. As I walk across the metal floor I leave sweaty feet marks behind me but they soon disappear as I make it to the shower.

I splash cold water on my face, my wrinkled hands find contact with my aged face and the mirror reveals a reflection of a man I no longer know. His piercing blue eyes stare back at me; they are old and wise but also foolish. His face is sharp with a prominent shaped jaw and high cheek bones. His hiding smile is pulling at the corners of his face and forming a few wrinkles around his eyes that count his age. I feel old, oh so old, I know I have lived a long time but I do not think I have ever felt this old. I believe it is the loss; it drains me, every time a part of me is lost. Every time I lose someone or nearly lose them I have another nightmarish thought in my head. But I suppose I just have to carry on, I've got to live with heartbreak forever so I pull a strong face and wade through the bad times, although I know that they always leave a scar somehow. Besides I have got Gwen and Ianto with me and I would not change that for the world.

The cool water runs over my clammy body and it reminds me of swimming in the Boeshane Peninsula in the 51st century when I was a normal little boy with a mother, father and a little brother, Gray. It is scary how fast your whole life can change in a few seconds. One minute I was a normal mortal man with pain running through my body as the Dalek shot penetrated me, preparing myself for death, saying my last prayers, the next minute I had immortality running in my veins and ever since I have been running from it and only stare death in its face. It's like the Doctor said some points in time are fixed and others are flexible, changing a fixed point in time can have drastic effects. This immortality has changed me and the way I live my life, I don't look the other way when there is danger I run into it because I have no fear. But I drag others into the danger with me forgetting that they are just mortal humans, their lives could be gone in seconds, but I am selfless and cold or at least I _was_, I mean to change that now. After losing Tosh and Owen I realise how easily I could lose my own friends and so I must hold on to Gwen and Ianto tightly otherwise I might be all alone again, and then I _will_ lose myself.

Ianto

I look at myself from head to toe in the long mirror. The lights aren't on so I can hardly see much. There is a young man in front of me with his whole life ahead of him but he has already faced so much. His girlfriend was turned into a cyber-monster and was killed by his own team mates, his two colleagues and friends were killed over a year ago, he has seen so much death and covered up deaths and dealt with disposing of dead bodies so many times_, too _many times for a man of 26. but here he is dressed in a full three piece suit and a red tie with polished black shoes wondering if this could be his final day, will he make it through the next 13 hours or so to return to his flat and try to find comfort in his lone bed.

I walk away from the mirror to make myself a coffee in my kitchen. I can hear the lone click of my shoes on the wooden floor boards. All I can think is if someone came around my flat they would probably think no one lives here. There are no family photographs anywhere not even any of my friends, I did have a photo of Lisa by my bedside but I tore it up in frustration when I could not deal with the thought of her being dead any longer, and it upset me to see her face which was once a beautiful face staring at me when the last time I looked into her eyes she had been a metal monster and her only thought was to transplant brains with each other, as if that was really love. There are no clothes lying anywhere, no piles of clean washing on the stairs or in cupboards. The fridge is empty and the cupboards are bare. But then I suppose no one does live here because who am I? I am no one, I've got nothing to live for or even die for, I've abandoned my family and lost my girlfriend. There is only Jack. But I know that is not _really_ love, and I can never be with him.

Gwen

As I walk now on my way to work I survey the people around me. None of them know the things I know, isn't that amazing, their complete ignorance! I've seen creatures from far off galaxies whilst they're still pondering if there is life on Mars. But then I think about it again, I used to be just like them, completely oblivious to this whole other world, until I found Torchwood or rather Torchwood found me. I suppose it's better they don't know about alien life, I can't imagine it! We would be signing up for photographs with aliens and creating alien museums and even worse laws about alien abuse, but then we would end up with cruelty to aliens and god knows what else. I don't want that, Jack's right Torchwood is there to protect aliens, no one else should know.

Gosh my head is reeling, I can't wait for Ianto's coffee I need a strong dose of caffeine now! I can't start the day tired, it was a long day yesterday and then I got home late and spent over an hour talking to Rhys about having kids. I can sense it is going to be another hard day today so I'm sure Ianto will not mind if I pop into Café a la Jones before work. I come in here on the weekends with Rhys sometimes when I get the chance, it's nice and the coffee is not too milky or bitter. It's Eugene at the counter, he's sweet, not pushy rather dismissive and quiet. He rather reminds me of Ianto; he keeps his head down and gets on with it. Anyway he hands me my extra shot large coffee and I give him a smile as I place a £5 tip in his hand. He gives me a look of shock, not many people are that generous, but I wave his look away and walk out of the steamed up glass door on to the busy street.


End file.
